First Post!

So I decided to make a blog because I feel it would help to keep my anxiety down and make me feel better having an outlet to just let everything out.
Today I woke up and was in an ok mood. I went down and decided that I would have my higher calorie meal for breakfast, thinking that way I would definitely have time to burn off my calories. So I made a frozen french break pizza- 390 calories, I picked off the pepperoni as normal because I don't like pepperoni and stacked them neatly on the plate to feed to my dog. I walked in the livingroom to have breakfast and sit with my dad and as soon as I walked in "What are you eating? Wait! ANOTHER pizza?! That one was mine.. :("  my heart started pounding. "What do you mean another?" I had the same pizza the day before for my dinner. I could tell he was just picking on me but it freaked me out a lot. So, feeling bad that I had eaten "HIS" pizza I went and made him lunch.
When mom got up around 11:30 I got her coffee ready for her and met her at the door and then fed the animals.
I weighed myself this morning bright and early and it was up. UP. Which when followed by my dad's comments lead to "I'm not eating" and "I hate my life" and "I don't deserve love, which is fine because no one cares anyway". Yeah, depressed drama queen mode apparently has been installed overnight.
I did manage to pull myself out of that funk by going on a walk to the store for my mother, I think getting out of the house and getting some fresh air really does improve my moods. When I came home I had pretty much decided that fasting was just as bad as binging. Eat like a normal person Sarah, please, for once in your life...sheesh.
And the parents decided they needed fast food. The options were KFC, Taco Bell or Wendys. I could hear them discussing it from the other room and in my head I'm screaming "AHHHH!!! NO!" so they then called me into the room and my face must have been pretty amusing because as soon as my dad looked at me he was like "oommmmm...Want Subway kiddo?" and at that moment I wanted to hug him. So we went together to Subway and got dinner and I saved half of mine for tomorrow nights dinner. So much healthier than other fast food so I was less freaked out.
I think it's strange I have such fears of food when looking at me right now you would think that I had never heard of the concept of "calories" or "fat". Its interesting what 3 years and lots of eating gets you...wait I think I confused interesting with catastrophic, or perhaps mortifying. Well while I'm at it lets give the tale.
So November of 2010: Weight- HW: 312 pounds. (FMW)
Current Weight: March 20th: 288 (Still FMW but less?)
LW: 2003: 155
Goal: 165 ASAP: This is the weight I need to get to and maintain to work on concieving. (No I am not married yet, yes I plan to be married by the time this is an issue).
Ok well, long enough blog for day one?
Oh and I got to talk to my two favorite people on WE tonight so that made me pretty chipper.
Best Quote of the night : "Hey skinny girl don't run from me I will sit on you and make you eat an apple!"
:P