Today was a hard day in a lot of aspects. I woke up this morning and was depressed over money and student loans and the fear of not being able to make my payments and what would happen if I couldn't do that. I was talking to my mom (my go to person in real life when I need to complain and unload). I was talking about loans and money and how I'm going to live and die poor. She put her head down on the desk in a dramatic way and I was like oh yeah... I know I'm ridiculous right?
Well, she wasn't being dramatic. She had passed out and moments later she rose up with her back arched and she was snorting and gasping ( a sign that the heart is not pumping enough blood to allow the lungs to function properly) and began seizing. I grabbed her so she wouldn't fall to the floor and tried to snap her out of it. Normally these episodes are brief, lasting between 30 seconds and a minute. This one was over ten minutes long. Ten minutes of holding my mother while she stared into space and seized and couldn't catch air. Ten minutes of screaming her name and slapping her in the shoulders and chest to wake her up. Ten long minutes of my heart pounding so hard I thought it would explode. I screamed for my dad and he came in and just stood there watching her as I'm screaming in her face for her to wake up! Screaming MOM! MOM!!
Finally she snapped out of it and looked afraid and didn't know why we were standing around her looking so concerned and why I was bawling my eyes out. I latched onto her so hard she had to tell me I was hurting her and I let go and sat down and cried in the chair. As I sat down she started to heave and gag. I told dad to move everything off the trash can (she keeps her laptop and papers on it so the dog doesnt go in it) and he moved so slowly... but as soon as he got it off she began vomiting into the trash. She had not eaten anything and had only had coffee and she was mostly painfully dry heaving though she did get a lot up, this lasted a long time.
This is the third episode of fainting- second with seizing and first followed by vomiting.
We took her to the ER even though she couldn't remember what happened at all and thought it was no big deal. Trust me, it was a big deal and one of the scariest things I have seen happen to my mother. We got there at 1 and we were taken back quickly. They took her bp- 167/80 and her pulse 65 and her oxygen saturation was 97. They took a chest xray, a CT scan for her head (she admitted having vision trouble lately with sunbursts and having a recurring sharp pain in the back of her head). No tumors were found but they may need to check for any leakage. They took 6 vials of blood and tested her sugar. She had not eaten but had coffee with sugar and creamer- her sugar was 117 which they said was borderline high but ok. They said that it is very likely that she has been experiencing seizures and that they are supposedly stress related. Which I find difficult to swallow. Prior to each of the episodes she was calm- laughing- seated- playing a game or talking with family. She had no warning of the oncoming issue and was feeling perfectly fine and not stressed or ill. They said "she is not at a point where they are finding any immediate medical crisis that can be treated in the emergency room" and told her she needs to visit her GP in the next 2-4 days, eat a low sodium diet and get some rest. They gave no real explanations for what was happening and we still feel in the dark about the whole thing. So its going to be several thousand dollars that they dont have ... to find out that she has nothing they could treat her for. So.... no that doesn't add stress.... (sarcasm).
So I did not eat today until about 4:30pm and I snacked on stupid things like gummies and sherbert at my parents. When I went home michael cooked turkey burgers and I ate a pop tart and had a can of mt. dew. Normally I would eat better.... but I was on the verge of binge mode. I just wanted to shovel it all down and bury the events of today underneath piles of sugar and fat and fullness. But... since I have not "binged" in the real since in over a year.. my tummy wouldnt let me and I was super full. I ended around 1800 calories for the day. (supposed to try to shoot for 2000 but I dont know about that.)
STRESSFUL is not even the word for today. I'm terrified of leaving her side but I had to go back up to Akron for the work week. Worse, she doesn't know when it happens so I can't even ask her if anything has happened. She said the only way she knows is that she will be sitting there and next thing she knows she is just extremely tired or she is on the floor or a part of her is hurt. Dad is there with her but he sits in the livingroom and she sits in a room on the other side of the house where the computer is and plays her game most of the time. It's hard to hear when you holler through the house so it's impossible for him to hear her if she collapses again. (sigh). I'm at a loss of what to do. I feel so alone and helpless.
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